Confectionary pests
by vala411
Summary: Tony should have known something would happen when he was away. After all, when the Ironman's away.. Loki will play. (Part 2 of The Avengers Divergent AU series)


**Confectionary pests**

Tony Stark was returning to Stark Tower today after spending more than a week in meeting after meeting with the Accords council. The reasons for all of those meetings, well some of the reasons, were currently residing in the Tower.

"FRIDAY…"

"Yes, boss?" The AI asked as Tony entered the lobby, nodding several greetings at the former SHIELD agents that now resided there. "Where's the kid? He just said I had to absolutely come and see something."

"Mr. Parker is currently in the communal kitchen on the 32nd floor," Friday answered.

"So has anything unusual happened since I was gone?" Tony asked as he entered the elevator and punched in the floor number.

"Nothing unusual boss," Friday stated.

The entire 32nd floor was a large open area that had an entertainment lounge, a dining area that could seat at least ten people and a very modern kitchen. It also had large glass windows overlooking the New York skyline. Tony was expecting Peter to be playing video games or something. He, however, did not expect the scene he came across once the elevator doors opened.

"Oh hey, Mr. Stark!" Peter greeted enthusiastically as he was sticking to the ceiling. Tony gave an uncertain wave and then looked back at the chaos that was unfolding.

"What the?! Fri baby, I thought you said nothing unusual happened while I was away."

"Yes," The AI answered.

Tony looked at the room full of chaos again and muttered: "You don't call this unusual?"

"No boss," Friday chirped. "Unusual would mean that this has not occurred previously."

"You are telling me that the room being overrun by confectionary pests is not unusual?!"

"Actually Mr. Stark, they're sentient magical cakes." Peter supplied as he came closer but stayed on the ceiling.

Tony's brow twitched upon hearing the word 'magic'. Others were in the room as well while the chaos reigned. James 'Bucky' Barnes, Winter Soldier, elite assassin and former Hydra brainwashed pawn and one of the reasons he was at the Accords meetings, was having a stare off with what appeared to be a growling Black Forest cake at the dinner table. In his right hand, he appeared to be clutching a fork.

There was a knawing sound and Tony looked down to see a chocolate cake eating his pant leg. His very expensive Armani pants. He yanked his leg back and the cake had the audacity to whine. "Reindeer games just what is going on here?!" Tony asked with exasperation as he shot several of the other cakes on the couches a glare. He could identify Lemon drizzle, Rum Raisin, and a Merenge cake. On the counter were even more cakes, topped with either fondant or whipped cream and fruits.

Loki, reason number two of why he was at the Accords meetings, looked unperturbed by Tony's exasperation and bent down to retrieve yet another cake from the oven. The warm dish was placed on the counter and it looked innocent enough until it started hopping.

"Whatever do you mean Anthony?" Loki raised a brow as if sentient cakes were the norm. Before Tony could open his mouth however a shout of glee was heard.

Loki, Tony, and Spiderman, who refused to come off the ceiling for some reason he hadn't figured out yet, looked towards Barnes and saw that he had speared the cake opposite to him with his fork. The triumphant exclamation made it seem like he had won some big battle.

"What?!" Barnes asked as he looked up to see everyone staring. "I was hungry and this thing wasn't letting me eat."

How these two came to even live in the building was a story for another time. Right now Tony was squaring off against cakes that should not be hopping about and a trickster who was feigning innocence. "Loki, seriously. You couldn't take over New York with aliens. Now you are going to try cakes?"

"Well I wasn't," Loki raised a brow and then added "But you do have a point. Why conquer with something people hate when I could do it with something people love."

"Mr. Stark!" Peter shouted as Loki was mumbling something about needing more fondant. "Don't go giving Loki ideas for world domination! I already had to talk them out of James' idea."

Tony raised a brow because he seriously didn't know what that was about but he didn't have a chance to tell Peter for the hundredth time to call him Tony when Friday spoke up.

"Indeed boss. Peter was most successful, while you were away, at dissuading both Loki and Sergeant Barnes from taking Betsy out for a spin against the Ex-Avengers." The AI commented.

"Just who is Betsy?!" Tony now asked as he kicked yet another cake away.

"James' rocket launcher." Peter supplied. "He collects them, remember."

"I thought we established that you can't just start collecting weapons," Tony groaned.

"You said I can't collect guns. A rocket launcher isn't a gun." James retorted before going back to eating.

The elevator dinged again before Tony could even comment on that fact. Deadpool nonchalantly walked into the room of confectionary doom with a wave. "Hiya all!"

"Hi…." Peter said from above, sounding a bit hesitant. Barnes merely gave a grunt as he was busy eating his cake and Loki raised a brow at the newcomer.

"Okay, who let Deadpool into the building?!" Tony shouted.

"I did boss," Friday answered and then elaborated upon noticing the glare Tony was sending her way. "I was merely trying to prevent any structural damage and bodily harm from occurring. Mr. Pool has been coming over every day this week to try one of the cakes."

"That's right bossman. Daddy-oh has been making very delicious cakes and I'm starving." Deadpool said as he sauntered up to the counter.

"What did I tell you about calling me daddy-oh," Loki grit his teeth.

"Well, you're older than any one of us. So daddy-oh it is." Wade stated as his eyes fell on a particular cake. "Oooooh Fruitcake!"

Tony's lips quirked up upon seeing the annoyance in Loki's eyes. "Okay, so the cakes…."

"Isn't it fascinating Mr. Stark!" Peter piped up. "We discovered it by accident when Loki was making scones a few days ago."

"Discovered what?" Tony frowned as he looked at the room. A sponge cake was currently trying to burrow under his couch and two other cakes were getting into a fight over the remote. Tony quirked a brow at that.

"Oh, when Loki bakes he unconsciously infuses magic into the ingredients," Peter explained. "Then this happened."

"Your Midgardian food seems to react very differently to magic than Asgardian food," Loki stated as he watched Deadpool break a fork while trying to eat the fruitcake.

"Why would you put magic in the food?" Tony now asked, his curiosity peeked.

"For flavor of course. Why else?" Loki stated as the familiar sound of Deadpool unsheathing his katanas was heard. The fruitcake seemed to be pretty hard and stubborn as Deadpool skewered it with a katana.

"AHA!" The merc shouted. The celebration was short-lived as the fruitcake proceeded to effortlessly break the katana blade.

"MY KATANA!" Deadpool shouted as he glared at the cake. Two guns made an appearance now and were aimed at the fruitcake.

"Hasta la vista babycakes!" Deadpool shouted as he fired upon the cake in retaliation for his broken blade.

Tony was getting a headache as there was probably no stopping Deadpool now. At least the destruction was limited to the cakes.

"Just who got Loki into baking anyways?!" Tony asked with a groan.

"Happy," Peter said at the same time as Loki and Barnes.

Tony would be having a talk with Happy soon, but for now, he had to make sure the tower would still be standing.


End file.
